Moments Suspended In Time
Friday, July 04, 2008
A Beautiful Thing...I am ending this blog here.
My life is just so full of beautiful things that I am so grateful for and it's time to put to rest the ghosts of the past.
When we write in this public forum we open ourselves up for criticism...we discover support in funny places...all of this for myself but overwhelmingly the opportunity to get all these feelings and emotions out.
In doing this I allowed myself to work through different stages of my life...through Q and the affair...through leaving H and us eventually realising that we married for completely the wrong reasons and it would have never worked...ups and downs with my business...surviving breast cancer.
I am just in such a different place in my life than I was three years ago when I started this blog...I am happy now...I feel fulfilled and I look forward to what the future brings with M and myself and our children...to us buying a house together and one day getting married barefoot on a beach somewhere.
I never knew it was possible to love someone like I do with him...such a passionate and fierce love where you can't imagine a life without them by your side...where the love you share with them is so grounded in reality that you simply know you will be with that person forever.
After so long of being lost...and feeling drowned by my lack of direction...of making decisions that, although they were right at the time and served a purpose, they were not how I was going to spend the rest of my life.
That is all over...I have reached that place in my life where the pieces of my particular puzzle have fallen into place and I couldn't be happier.
I have regrets and I have made mistakes but I choose to learn from them and not let them define me as a person.
H and I both had affairs, we talk about how we wish we had never married each other, how we shouldn't have bowed to the pressure from his family. Years on we can see there was never anything there, that marrying someone because you have a child together is never a recipe for success. Our conversations reveal how much we have learnt about ourselves as individuals from a failed marriage, with time we can see this more clearly.
M is my soulmate, I can not even fathom being with anyone else...what we share is just light years away from what my marriage was...what the affair was...what I had with either my husband or my lover.
I think I have just grown up all of a sudden...and the mistakes of my past enable me to see what I have now, for what it is.
And that is a beautiful thing.
Mermaid Girl