Tonight I am sad.

I am finally accepting the fact that my grandfather is dying.

Nearly two years ago he was diagnosed with cancer of the bladder. Then he had secondary cancer of the prostate.

Numerous surgeries...tumours...radiotherapy.

Three weeks ago he had surgery and now he has flown over here, to my country to see School Girl Mermaid and I. He can barely walk and will be back in hospital on Friday followed by another major operation in a few weeks.

I knew all of this yet until now I have pretended it wasn't happening. But this time I can see the change in him, I can see what my grandmother's life is like with him and it saddens me.

They have been married for fifty three years...he fought in World War Two...he is a father, a grandfather and a great grandfather. My daughter adores him and I have never known a life without him as a huge part of it.

Selfishly I have been willing him to stay alive...to keep fighting and survive another operation...yet another round of chemotherapy. Yet now I can see the pain he is in, how my grandmother's life is changed so much...the stress on her.

I don't see all of this on a daily basis because I am all the way over here and now I have seen it, seen him, seen them together, I understand more what it is like, what it has been like for her.

And my heart aches and there is a massive lump in my throat that just won't go away.

When I say goodbye to them on Wednesday that will possibly be the last time I will see my grandfather.

It's Sunday night and I am terrified already.