Moments Suspended In Time
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Bits And PiecesWell things seemed to have calmed down a bit now...I had a bit of a let it all out episode on Friday night...cried so hard I couldn't breath then thought I was having a damn panic attack.
Urgh...
M just held my hand and rubbed my back until I stopped crying...I looked awful, swollen eyes and a rose that rivalled Rudolphs on Christmas Eve...lol. It's heaps better now though.
Friday was a public holiday here so we took the children out to the country for a picnic lunch with M's family and their children. It was so nice to see our children get along, things have been pretty strained between School Girl M and M's daughter lately. She is twice her age and has limited patience. Once you combine that with School Girl M's over sensitive nature it makes for a constantly unsettled household with way too much arguing and tears endlessly.
Sigh...
We have got a referral for M's daughter (T) to see a child psychologist as her school has just lost their funding for their school counseller. She has quite large issues, stemming from years of living with her mother who is basically quite indescribable in her inability to be a positive mother to T.
This woman has four children to three different people and we suspect she is pregnant again (it is difficult to tell because she is quite literally obese). The way she speaks to T is awful, constant telling an eleven year old to fuck off when she is asking for help is just cruel. T spends a lot of time crying after having to speak with her mother on the phone when she is with us (court ordered). Anyway...there is way too much to go into here, it makes my blood boil just thinking about it so I can't start.
T will start her sessions with the child psychologist as soon as possible, we are really at crisis point with her, she is just so rude, flies off the handle at absolutely nothing...we can't predict what will make her flip out as it changes from one day to the next and so much of her anger seems to be taken out on School Girl M. It breaks my heart to see my baby cry every day.
Some days I question if I am doing the right think in staying in a relationship with M when this is what my daughter is being treated like in her own home, but something deep inside me believes in T.
I can't write her off, everyone else has more or less given up on her and I truly believe that she is a good kid underneath all this anger, she has just never had a chance at life with her family situation (M fought for custody in court and they sent her to her mother because she has siblings there). Her mother wants her for the child support she receives from M...nothing else, because it doesn't get spent on T and frequently she drops T off on the doorstep on M's sister and tells her to "cope with the fucking little bitch".
*deep breath*
T will be twelve in six months time and then the courts will listen to what she has to say and where she wants to go. The decision will not be solely hers but what she wants will definately be taken into consideration.
So back to the present...I am also arranging for School Girl M to see a school counseller when her school gets one next term, I think it won't do her any harm. She certainly has the ability to articulate exactly how she is feeling so it will probably be of benefit to her.
For some happy news, my grandparents are coming for a visit in ten days time. They didn't tell me until a couple of weeks ago as my grandfather had yet another operation for the cancer and they needed to wait and see how he pulled up from that. He is a stubborn man though...as the Irish are.
The day after they go home we are all jumping on a plane and heading up to the Land of Holidays for a long weekend with the children, for my birthday, then when we come back it will be School Girl M's sixth birthday so parties and presents all round.
Lots of things to look forward too :)
Mermaid Girl